A moment to stop
Words that express thoughts, from Kafka on the shore, by Haruki Murakami.
Sometimes, fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing direction. You change direction, but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn’t something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn’t get in, and walk through it, step by step. There’s no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That’s the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.
And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You’ll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.
And once the storm is over you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.
… You keep on moving, trying to slip through it. But even if you go to the ends of the world, you won’t be able to escape it. Still you have to go there – to the edge of the world. There’s something you can’t do unless you get there.
… You don’t want to be at the mercy of things outside you anymore, or thrown into confusion by things you can’ t control. If there’s a curse in all this, you mean to grab it by the horns and fulfil the program that’s been laid out for you. Lift the burden from your shoulders and live – not caught up in someone else’s schemes, but as you. That’s what you want.